To all True Believers of all faiths --
Heed this call to join
the international united church of hate
Note: in deference to all True Believers, the following document refers to divine founders, leaders, prophets, creators and holy spirits simply as “[your deity].” In this way we hope to avoid offending any individual group of True Believers, allowing its followers to set aside their habitual anger long enough to consider our proposal for a World Changing Alliance.
While there is much we disagree on, True Believers can agree on one thing: We all look forward to that glorious time when all non-believers, blasphemers, and wrong-thinkers are, depending on [your deity’s] prophecies, crushed, burned, swallowed, drowned or otherwise obliterated. For [your deity] has ordained that we need only persevere in our divine hatred of non-believers and we will surely prevail.
The most pious among us have worked for centuries, throughout the world, toward that goal. We convert those who can be intimidated into accepting the Truth, silence those who cannot, and eliminate those who dare stand against us.
And yet we must all admit that the sublime End Time seems very long in coming. We have battled for untold generations only to have the hordes of non-believers rise again and again, spreading like cancers.
Therefore, the founding members of the Church of Hate have concluded that we must face an essential truth: we are failing in our righteous task! And we must ask ourselves a crucial question: WHY are we failing? The answer is, because True Believers have been fighting independently. We attack True Believers of other faiths and non-believers indiscriminately.
But, you object, that is only right. Of course we must despise those of other faiths. Of course we must seek to destroy them. Different is evil. Different must not be tolerated. Any truly religious person understands this. It is insanity to suggest that we, who know the truth and beauty of [your deity], should lie down with the pigs and snakes of any other faith.
We entreat you to consider that this sacred truism has a cost. The result of our independence is that each faith is relegated to its isolated, persecuted, religious island. And therein lies the radical and most holy hope of the United Church of Hate: We must recognize non-believers as our common enemy! How much lower than any True Believer are those sub-humans who have no allegiance to any divine leader of ultimate enmity? They are the ones who truly stand in the way of the establishment of [your deity’s] perfect world on Earth. It is these vile beings who fornicate like animals and bounce back after every blow we strike.
We propose that all True Believers must accept that we cannot reach the era of the Final Conflict until we are rid of non-believers. What does this mean? It means setting aside our hatred of one another and JOINING FORCES. That’s right, actually fighting side-by-side so that we may first cleanse the earth of those who believe in nothing.
While each faith defines non-believers somewhat differently, we all know intuitively who they are. They wear the wrong clothes. They listen to the wrong music (that is, any music). They worship money. They are the double-talking “world” leaders, whether politicians or dictators. They are the obstructionist “human rights” advocates. They are the pornographic “artists.” They are the “stars” of music, movies, and news who corrupt our youth. They are the [your deity-less] “pacifists” (and you know each faith has them) who blaspheme that [your deity] does not demand violence, revenge, and destruction. They are children who won’t learn their lessons. They are women who don’t know their place.
So, join us in a new alliance dedicated to eradicating them once and for all! Imagine the power we will wield! Imagine the shock when we suddenly spring upon them, a single united force of [your deity] that transcends geographic boundaries and political affiliations, that serves only [your deity’s] virtuous venom.
We will roll across the planet in a tsunami of rapturous devastation, annihilating all opposition just as [your deity] has prophesied. And, once we are in control, imagine the triumphant tribunals we will hold. The court of True Believers will prosecute and execute non-believers en masse. They will be unable to lie their way out of extinction, for they will face True Believer magistrates of each faith, who will interrogate them and catch them red-handed in their sacrilege no matter what they pathetically claim to believe.
Thus will we at last set the stage for the Final Conflict. For we can also agree that the true Final Conflict should not be between the religious and non-religious. It should be fought only among True Believers. With nothing left to distract us from our holy mission, we will be able to turn our hatred upon one another, as has always been intended. We are the only ones who deserve to fight that grand and sacred battle.
Still, you may ask, is it truly right to join forces with the demons of other faiths? Do not let that doubt sway you! Trust in what it means to be a True Believer! You need have no fear in forming this alliance, because all True Believers know with absolute certainty the outcome of the Final Conflict. You know that [your deity] will protect you and carry you to victory, just as surely as we know ours will! The outcome can only be the preordained perfect world [your deity] intended!
So we beseech you, fellow True Believers, let us not seek to destroy each other until we have destroyed the greater evil that confronts us all. Join us that we may cleanse the way to the ultimate immaculate slaughter!
JOIN! JOIN! JOIN!
the international united church of hate!
copyright 2013 S.S. Wilson